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2019 Has Not Been Kind

Hi 2019, You are not nice!

I don't know about you but so far this new year has been awful. I feel like this has been the week from hell. Such a great way to start out the New Year right? Here is what I have learned.

Dazzling Learnings

1. Life is precious and it is short. I have two amazing women in my life that I call my best friends. Some of you may know who they are if you pay close attention. Others may not and that is totally okay. I am not going to tell you who they are so keep guessing. You get one clue. The both live in the same state as me but neither of them live near me.

Best Friend Situation No. 1. She lost her dad. How do you even cope with that?! It is her dad. He passed away in another country. She didn't even get to see him. That breaks my heart. This is when I wish I had magical powers and could grant wishes or be a billionaire. That would be great too. That way I could have sent her to go see her dad. I am so sorry for your loss my dear friend. I know that words can't take away the pain or make it better but hopefully it shows that I love you. You are an amazing human being and I am so sad for you. I can't even imagine the pain that you are going through right now. Please know that you are loved and there are people that care about you.

Best Friend Situation No. 2. We had to put her beautiful boxer Layla down on 1.2.19. No, none of us have recovered yet. I still find myself periodically crying over Layla because it was so sad to loose her. She was only 5.5 years old. She was taken from this world way too soon. To catch you up to speed, Layla was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she wasn't given much time. My beautiful loving friend had to make the toughest choice but decided to let her little girl go so she would no longer be in pain. 

This was the hardest thing I think I have ever had to go through in my life. I was supposed to be the strong one yet I couldn't stop crying. If I hurt this bad over my best friend's boxer, I can't imagine the pain she is going through. That girl was everything to her. We all know that Layla is no longer in pain now and that is a good thing. It is going to be sad knowing that she won't be there to sneak kisses and play around anymore. Layla was a sweetheart and I am so thankful for the time that I got to know her. She made me smile everyday with the videos and photos that were sent to me. Not to mention we had our own little sleepovers when I came to watch her. 

To my friend. I love you. I am always here for you. Whether it is to hold you while you cry, laugh when you are having fun, or be an ear when you need to rant and be angry. Just know you are loved. To our beautiful Layla....Rest in Peace Layla. Ali loves you.

2. It is really hard when you loose things. Sometime in the last 48 hours to maybe a week ago....I am not totally sure anymore because my brain feels like mush, I lost something super important. I have no idea where it went. I am pretty torn up about it. I know money and things can be superficial but it is always so hard when you lose something important to you. It is even worse when someone else has to suffer from something you lost. I have frantically searched everywhere I can think of. I think it is just gone. I will hold out hope anyway in case it randomly shows up. In this case, It will be very unlikely. 

3. Nothing goes as you plan. You can plan things all you want but nothing ever goes as planned. Sometimes I feel like why am I bothering. Is it really going to matter. Plans are going to change anyway. Nothing I seem to plan works out anyway. I decided I was going to tackle #baymtgo (head over to Instagram to see what that is for). Basically you are supposed to pick a goal and spend 15 mins or more each day on that goal for the whole year. I chose to take 15 mins for myself. I have a tendency to give my all to everyone around me but I never leave enough of myself for well myself. This was my way of trying to accomplish. 

Please Get Better and Dazzle Me

2019 you are supposed to be my best year yet. I am getting married in April and I expect it to be a great wedding so I need the good vibes. Even though that is three months away...I need the good vibes now please. This is my year of 3s so I need all the goods things to happen. No I am not superstitious, I just really like the number 3.

I could use some sparkle in my life and lots of dazzle. I really just want to feel better. It has been a rough week and all I feel is sad. As I right this post, I am trying my hardest not to cry. My one other request is please let this year get better for my friends as well. They could really use some joy and fun in their lives. 

Thank you for tuning in to my sob story. I hope you all have a great weekend. I am off to house sit and play with Sirius and Potter. Sending all my love out to my readers. If you are having a hard time so far in this new year, feel free to comment or reach out to me. I am always open to making new friends and lending an ear. 

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