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The Ups and The Downs

The biggest questions I get now that I am married is "How is married life?".

I feel like I need to have this big wonderful answer for the. Was it supposed to feel different? If it was then married life has been a huge let down. That really isn't all our fault. There has been a lot going on in life.

Let's rewind back to March 5, 2019. This is 38 days before my wedding. My husband was hit by a public transportation bus. The accident wasn't his fault. He was doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing when he was driving his Mini. The next morning I rushed him to the hospital because he was dizzy, complaining of a headache, his muscles hurt really bad, his left arm was stiff, he couldn't remember short term things (he remembered getting in the accident but not much after that. He couldn't remember doing small tasks), he was having balancing issues, kept leaning on things, and almost passed out on me. I took him to the hospital. Where he ended up waiting forever in the ER (NO SURPRISE THERE!). They did a CT and diagnosed him with an ultra severe concussion. Told him he couldn't go back to work for a week and basically just needed to rest as much as possible.That ER visit took up our entire day. I rushed him to the ER at 8AM and we got done at 1 or 2PM. I wasn't going to be going back to work that day.

Over the next 38 days we spent time dealing with insurance companies, lawyer consults, work, and finalizing details for a wedding. I am pretty sure I wanted to quit more than once. That is a lot of pressure to put on two people who are getting ready to tie the knot. I would be lying if I said that I thought everything would be fine. I thought about calling off the wedding more than once in that time frame. When your fiance's temperament escalates and he is always short with you in gets hard. Isn't that what for better or worse is? All I kept hearing is people tell me that it will get better after the wedding. That everyone is just stressed out and it won't always be like this.

Well We have been married for 32 days. Last night I bawled my eyes out on the couch. I don't see how things are better after the wedding. I feel like in a lot of things he just keeps getting worse. I'm afraid to say things because his responses are so short like he is angry all the time. When he is actually angry, it's like nothing about me is right. Everything is my fault and I am not being supportive or I am the one causing all the issues.

The doctor says that  it is trauma still from the concussion. That is why he is like this. His brain is just having a hard time healing. This is the affects of a traumatic brain injury. (Before you say a concussion is different it isn't. A concussion is considered to be a traumatic brain injury. There are different levels of TBIs and concussions fall into those levels.) Then I look like a bad wife for complaining. When does my sanity and health come in to play as well? It is hard to come home and feel like the verbal punching bag all the time.

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