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Why is the Rum Always Gone?

Spiced Rum

Do you ever wonder what you did to make someone mad? I try very hard to be a great friend to people. I try to make sure I am available when someone needs me and that I am always there to listen. I feel like that really doesn't matter to people. I've learned that no matter how nice, respectful, loving, friendly, giving, and trusting you are it doesn't matter.

Here is the thing. Friendship is serious. I don't take being a friend lightly and I don't call everyone a friend. When I make a friend, my goal is to be friends for life, however, we will get to that point later. Really, we don't plan on making temporary friends. You are looking for that connection with someone. It is hard when you don't feel like you belong anywhere and you just want to relate.

I find it really hard to connect with others. I am usually younger that the people I choose to be friends with. For some reason, I have a tendency to pick high maintenance friends that are the complete opposite of me. Being the bound and determined person that I am, I do everything in my power to make a friendship work. Even when I shouldn't.

Dark Rum

The not so fun times. As I have gone through friends over the years since I was a kid, I have learned a lot about myself.

No. 1: I make friends for life (or at least try too)

 - I am a loyalist. I want to be your friend and I want to be your friend for forever. That may should melodramatic but I don't make friends thinking, "Oh this will be good for a week til I find someone new." To me this is not dating. It is friendship. It has its very own category. Now I don't think everyone will be my best friend or that I will even be the favorite friend. I do try to be loyal and be there for you when you need someone.

 - No matter how hard you try, not all friends are meant to be friends for life. Sometimes someone is in your life for a season and it may not be for you but for them. I believe that there is a purpose for everything. Something may be hard now but it doesn't always mean it will be hard. I know it is hard to see friendships die off BUT you want to make sure that the friendships you are keeping around are ones that are worth it. There are so many times that I am sad or disappointed that I lost a friend but once I get over the loss, I realize that I am better off or there is something or someone better around the corner. My advice is to try not to get too discouraged because it gets better. 

No. 2: I let myself be taken advantage of

 - I am that girl that you warn your daughter not to be. I let people take advantage of me. The first
time I may not know it but the second time I do. I don't say anything because I don't want to create a fuss or an issue. I want everything to be happy and peaceful and well it just isn't. Then being that girl, sometimes I wonder if I have friends because they actually want to be my friend or if they just want something for me. This is where you start to doubt yourself and if you are the problem or if someone else is.

No. 3: My friendships do not speak to my worthiness

 - We've all had that moment wondering if we were or were not worthy to be friends with someone. Maybe you once where worthy and now you aren't. This is something I had to learn. This is something I still struggle with every day. You can ask my fiance and he would tell you that he has held me as I cried and told me that I am a gem and people are missing out. Trust me it crossed my mind that you can point and say that he only said that because he loves me. True, he could have said that because he loved me but it doesn't mean it isn't true. 

 - I need to be okay with myself before I can be okay with friends. One thing I have learned about myself is that if I don't take time for me then I am no good for anyone. I have tried time and time again to be a good friend to people and to respect others but I don't take care of myself because I am putting them first. This is not how things should be. I shouldn't have to sit on the sidelines all the time. The big thing I was missing is that I needed to enjoy spending time by myself before I could enjoy spending time with other people.

Light Rum

Now that I exposed you to all those deep dark thoughts, let's create a lighter mood. All you can really do in life is move forward. Make new friends. I started this post when I was going through a hard time. I think the information is still relevant. You have to go through the bad eggs to find the good ones. I have made some amazing new friends in the last couple of months that I would have never met if I hadn't lost the friends that I had at the time. As much as my heart broke, I am so thankful that it did. It is finding those friends that are for life that actually means something.

I found a friend that makes the effort. She visits me just as much as I visit her. Actually she visits me more. This was a bit refreshing because I never had a friendship like this before. Where it seemed that all parties were on equal ground.

The friends that show up when times are tough are the friends that you can believe in. They are the ones that will stick around fro the long haul. this is the first time I have had friends that I don't feel like they always want something from me. It is a breath of fresh air to have friends that want to be your friend because of who you are and not because of what you can do for them.

My Advice

Choose the friends that are going to conqueror the world with you. Evaluate the people in your life and keep the ones that add to it. Don't keep the friends that tear you down. I didn't realize how many people viewed me as a mean girl because of the company I kept. It is quite eye opening to learn how other people see you. Someone told me they never would have thought I was this friendly or nice because of who my friends used to be. That is not the person I want people to know. I want people to know that I am a friendly, a good listener, a good friend, loyal, and trustworthy. My goal is to be the best friend that I can be. Obviously I was not doing that with the company I was keeping. I feel like now I am a better person for all the heartbreak and drama that I went through.

Do I think I am perfect?

No, I don't. I am still human and I will make mistakes. I will try my hardest to make those mistakes right if I need too. My friends are my chosen family so I want to make sure they are good ones.

To My Beautiful Friends:

You know who you are! I appreciate you more than I could ever express. Thank you for being part of my life. I love you.

If you love the photos, check out my Instagram: @love2dazzle

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