Dazzled by Books

I made new friends after the mess of the last friends. I finally found a place that I feel like I fit in and I am not the kid sister that is hanging around. I feel appreciated and loved. For a long time I felt like I gave so much of myself in my friendships and never got anything in return. I don’t feel this way anymore. I have friends that give just as much into the friendship as I do. These are people you can count on to be there when you need them. Thank You Sara C., Brie W., Lori C., Vivian C., Samantha P., Jordan F., Roxanne R., and Iris K., each one of you is amazing and I am blessed to call you friend.

My (now) husband, (then) Fiancé was hit by a Trimet bus. Trimet is Portland Metro’s public transportation system. It was one of the scariest things ever. It crushed his car. He drove a 2013 Mini GP at the time. He ended up with a severe concussion, torn muscles, and he has no strength in his right side right now. He is still recovering and this accident happened in March. It has been a long difficult road. I feel like we still have a long road ahead of us. Between my husband’s head injury and his body, it has been a really rough year on him after this accident. All the medical bills are scary. I’ve never seen so many in my life.

My husband and I got married this year. A little over a month after the accident, my husband and I got married on our long awaited wedding date. The wedding was beautiful and simple. We had all the important people there that could make it. It was beautiful. My dress people was amazing. My veil. I loved both of them so much. I felt like a fairytale princesses. We will be coming up on our one year anniversary in April.

We bought a dog this year. Tella has been such a blessing to me. I didn’t know I could love a dog so much. She has my unconditional love for forever. She is a Boston Terrier Pug Mix and I could not have asked for a better puppy. She brings a smile to my face constantly. She is such a beautiful dog. We are still in the puppy stages of her life. As I write this she is 8 months old. Her birthday is in March. She loves toys and chew bones. Her favorite thing is a bouncy ball. She can play fetch until the end of time. I can’t imagine my life without Tella. She helps me in so many ways. Tella is named after Donatella in Caraval by Stephanie Garber. I had to give her a book name.

This year was really hard on me. I ended up having a breakdown this summer. I have anxiety but this year, my anxiety has been through the roof. I was having 3-5 panic attacks a week. I felt like I could not function outside of work. I was drowning in my thoughts. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right and that I was failing my life. In order for me to take control again, I decided to go see a therapist. My therapist has been a big help to me. She has given me tips and tricks on how to calm myself down before I reach a panic attack. She has also taught me how to train my brain to deal with situations differently. I find seeing her is quite valuable.

On top of this, I have also been training Tella to recognize when mommy needs help. When I start getting into that super anxious mode, Tella comes to me to help me calm down whether it is by petting her, letting her lick my face, or just holding her. She keeps me grounded. This is a year that I needed to do something for myself to get better. I wasn’t going to accept living with 3-5 panic attacks awake. That was unacceptable to me. At this time, I am still seeing my therapist because I find that it is valuable for me.