Dazzled by Books

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a normal blog post. I thought maybe you may want to know what is up in my life. OR maybe not but I am going to tell you anyway.

Life is not a book. Unless that book has a character that goes through extreme ups and downs. Everything in life goes wrong and you feel like you are drowning in life. This is how I feel most days. I don’t live this glamorous life. I am a normal person trying to make it by that has real life issues.

Why is this important do you say? Why am I bringing it up to you? I don’t want you to feel alone out there. Someone is always there to listen. I really want to write more. I think part of this writing is going to be babbling to you. There is more to me than just book reviews.

I am married. I have a puppy. I read a lot of books. Okay on a more serious matter. I battle anxiety. Hot topics here we come. I started seeing a therapist last year because I was tired of having multiple panic attacks in a week and feeling like I wouldn’t survive the outside world. It is hard when you feel so crippled by something. I decided that it was time to seek some help. I am so glad that I did because therapy has helped me a lot.

A big thing I am working on with my therapist is boundaries. I have a hard time telling people no and not letting people walk all over me. Past friendships were a big one. When I finally found my voice, people stopped being my friend because I started to speak up for myself. In a lot of ways I started going back into my shell. That was going backwards and not forwards. There are other people in my life that aren’t so easy to get rid of that I have to cope with. I am learning how to establish better boundaries. It is a work in progress.

Since starting therapy, I have less panic attacks. They are down to 2-6 a month which is actually a big improvement. I was having them just about every day. Something else that helped me was getting Tella. It gave me someone to focus my energy on and she recognizes when I need to calm down. We make a great pair. I am thankful for her every day. Tella keeps me quite busy.

If you battle severe anxiety like I do, don’t hesitate to ask for help. I think my biggest regret is not asking for help sooner. I was embarrassed and so I didn’t seek help. I felt miserable all the time. I felt trapped all the time. It is a bit hard to explain but I felt like my anxiety was holding me down and holding me back. I is still a journey and something that I have to work on every day, but I feel so much better. I feel more like myself. There is still work to be done. I am glad that I gave myself a chance. 

Self-care is always important.